With the U.S. Federal Communications Commission poised to destroy The Internet south of the border just for the hell of it, many Torontonians have finally decided the6 may be the centre of the universe after all.
"Yeah that's my last straw," noted Toronto local Matthew Marks. "I was down to deal with the lack of healthcare; shit load of guns; spotty human rights records on women's healthcare, LGBTQ issues etc. but if it's going to be impossible to run my YouTube side hustle out of my bachelor apartment in Brooklyn I split with six other people what's the point?"
Marks like many other young professionals in Toronto has been spending the last decade or so biding his time in Canada's biggest city till he moved to New York to "really take off you know".
Ashley Adamson an aspiring actress who has been working on an application to either Juilliard, Columbia and NYU for about three years cancelled plans and started on an application to the Ryerson School of Performance instead.
"Seeing as I run about 12 social media accounts to constantly promote my brand, needing to pay individually for Twitter, Soundcloud, Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr, Myspace, Snapchat, Pinterest, Google+, Vimeo, YouTube and LinkedIn just does not make economic sense to me." Adamson told Bucktooth.
While for decades young aspiring creatives, screen writers, chefs, filmmakers novelists and journalists flocked to Toronto cafe jobs from across the country, intending to use it as a stepping stone to "real careers" in the six boroughs it seems the Trump administration may have finally interrupted the pattern.
"The only difference you're going to see is that everyone who ends up in Toronto will stay here without the typical 10 to 15 year plan to take themselves south." added professor Ziggy Braun who studies migration at the University of Toronto. "It's very unlikely the pattern will result in any real differences in the Canadian population in Manhattan."
Bucktooth is my ongoing application to The Beaverton.
All of which is fake news